Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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