mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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