i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
