No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
