She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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