You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
