my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
