just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
