im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
