Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
