if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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