hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The uberlube is also flammable
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
