We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
