and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just high enough for therapy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
