Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
