I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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