It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
