seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
