I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
