...so i touched it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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