i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize