I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
