I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
