Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
