can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
