Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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