"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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