i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
