You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
