alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
