I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
