In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
