In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
