it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
