Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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