Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
