I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He shit in the fireplace
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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