I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
