her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
