So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
