True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
