Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
