youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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