70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
