You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize