Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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