I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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