Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
