I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
