Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize