Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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