found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
