You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
