I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
