I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
