Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
