I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
