You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
