We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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