sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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