the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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