and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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