I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
