Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize