I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
