Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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