I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry my hands just texted you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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