I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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