Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize