do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize