Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
