Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
