So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
