I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
