He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
