I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When did angry sex become our thing?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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