Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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