Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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