I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize