i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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