He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
