and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
