you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
