I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
