I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
