Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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