Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
