If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
