You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found puke in my bra..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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